A few years ago, I loved reading a particularly snarky, but helpful parenting column on some website. The author I enjoyed most had three kids [maybe I did as well at the time] and was so funny and practical. A few months down the line, she admitted she never took out all her kids at the same time WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE, but made me feel like a damn intrepid explorer when I took my kids ANYWHERE (and we did/do... a lot... especially when it was "only" three... and yes, "only three kids" is a ridiculous concept for many people, including me... still).
Now, I don't often talk about how to do ANYTHING as a parent of kids, because there are few areas I feel more inept in. And since all kids are different and so are all parents and babysitters/nannies/caretakers, if I give any advice, it's usually, "Do what works for you."
BUT I have learned a few things on my errands and adventures with my Bratt Army (thanks, KIAH) that might help the average Joe.
It doesn't matter where you're going
The kids want to go. Somewhere. With you. Always.
It could be to the mailbox or Disneyland and the excitement level would probably be about the same.
Set expectations
Whether it's the mailbox, Disneyland, or more importantly, TARGET, tell them what's going to happen.
"We're walking to the mailbox, opening the mailbox, taking out the mail, then walking back to the house with the mail. Got it?"
Then, if you stop to smell the literal roses? DAY MADE, PEOPLE. You went above and beyond and they are like "WE HAD AN ADVENTURE."
YOU MIGHT THINK I'M CRAZY RIGHT NOW.
You are thinking, "No kid thinks walking to a mailbox and diverting from the agreed upon agenda by stopping to smell some flowers is an adventure."
YOU ARE WRONG.
Every night for about ten years, whoever is home at bedtime and has the ability to form a somewhat coherent thought says two things they are thankful for. The percentage of times something outrageously simple and inconsequential has made the list is probably around 30%. So don't count out the trip to the mailbox, gentle providers.
Keep your own expectations LOW
Thankfully, my kids don't mind being in the car. I let them request songs and I have their favorite playlists and albums ready to go, so we can go for a half hour drive to get somewhere EASILY.
Regardless, anywhere I go I am expecting the following to happen:
- someone will hate the trip and want to leave immediately
- someone will love the trip and want to stay indefinitely
- someone will do something embarrassing
- someone will throw up
The first two circumstances just ARE and complaining will be involved. I have a pretty solid "Complaining = extra work/no dessert" rule, but there are still personalities to manage, so do your best. (Also, you can complain about my parenting style, but then I'll give you some chores or eat your dessert, so YOUR CHOICE).
As for the last two instances, my embarrassment threshold is very, very high, especially after doing some light research for the Dancetastic side of things, and having seven kids. But time dilation and the spotlight effect are stupid tricks in your mind that make it feel like everyone in the room has stopped what they're doing and is, hands on their hips, looking at you. If anyone is actually judging you in either of those circumstances instead of shutting their mouths or helping you, you would be totally within your rights to hope they slip on your toddler's vomit.
Having these expectations in mind helps keep things in perspective and if none of them happens YOU went on an adventure.
Pack light
This seems like a recipe for disaster, but I swear, you don't need all the things Pinterest tells you you need when you go to the park.
I do have :
- a standard first aid kit in my car's glovebox
- three diapers and a container of wipes (for two kids in diapers; I just carry the largest size diaper because that is the best choice I ever made)
- a scarf, no matter the weather (what else am I going to clean up throw-up with, or use as a onesie/shirt/skirt if someone makes a huge mess, or use as a bib for me or the newest drooly one, or a picnic blanket, or WHATEVER; SCARVES ARE EVERYDAY HEROES)
- snacks (BUT DON'T TELL THE CHILDREN; and make it something small, easily packable, silly, and maybe not healthy, like fruit snacks or Cheetos or beef sticks)
- a water bottle (I have a 40oz bad boy, so that suffices for all)
- keys, wallet, and phone
Extra if I'm feeling fancy :
- stroller (or more likely a baby carrier)
Plan for an hour, tops
Including travel time.
At least to start out.
Then plan on an hour without travel time.
EVEN IF THINGS ARE GOING GREAT AFTER AN HOUR, GET OUT OF DODGE.
As bitter as anyone might be to "stop having fun", it's better to leave them wanting more and in control of their emotions than be dragging a crying, screaming kid who needs a nap and played too long out of the zoo/aquarium/Target/children's museum/park/lake/grandma's house.
Don't plan on An Afternoon until you feel really comfortable with an hour.
Make plans for the future
Whether you're leaving a fun destination or not buying them some awesomely stupid toy at the store, stave off crabbiness by TAKING PICTURES. Or at least talking about the experience, what they liked, and what you could do next time.
Kids want to buy everything, so if they're particularly attached to something, whip out your trusty handheld device and take a picture of them with the Tamagotchi of the day. Built in birthday list, but they'll probably forget about it within an hour and you'll save $10! (If you're anti-technology, PROPS TO YOU, and you could write it down on an actual list for you/them.)
Samesies with leaving a fun spot. Take a picture of them at the place and then remember a good field trip destination for the future or at least a happy memory.
In conclusion, getting out of the house with any number of kids deserves applause (and quite often an adult beverage) and ire from NO ONE. Training new humans to be good, older humans often requires you to help them experience new things, circumstances, people, and places. Sometimes it evens help us older humans to be better, as well!
Go forth and conquer!
