Riot and Frolic

Best Buys of 2016

Sure sure, you can point out today's date and mention how we're 1/3 through 2017, but by then I would have booped your nose and told it's my blog anniversary and I can do what I want.  

And no, my opinion didn't get bought by these fantastic companies and their brilliant products, BUT I'M WILLING.

Best Buys of 2016

The TubShroom  

I live in a house with many girls AND my post-partum shedding was ON POINT this time around, so the shower drain was sad and disgusting.  You plop this doohickey in the drain and BOOM! it catches everything.  This thing is super easy to clean and keeps my already-weird shower less "special".

The Furemover  

Use it like a lawn rake on your carpets and pull up pet hair, your hair, and random fuzzy stuff.  Besides the incredibly excellent name, this thing gives you A) a workout - cardio AND arms, yo! B) clean rugs that you didn't even know were dirty C) a sense of satisfaction along the lines peeling dead skin off after a sunburn. 

Lest you think all of my amazing power of commerce was used on products to control massive amounts of hair, the next thing was bought by The G and his amazing power of commerce.

The SwirlyDo

These goofy hair ties are not subtle, but they hold the crap out of your hair without being those uncomfortable "no slip" ones. From extremely fine short hair to tons of thick and curly hair, these babies will keep your hair where you put it.

Threshold Solar Metal Lantern Outdoor Light Set 

I bought these to hang across the trelliseseses in my garden and I was skeptical. Solar lights from Target for $15 that worked seemed unlikely.  But low and behold, I stuck the solar thingy in the ground and strung those lights and they are lit up past midnight STILL and I can only get lit until like 11pm these days, so WINNING.

Braven 705 Portable Bluetooth Speaker 

The radio in my car doesn't work, which is a bummer, but it's honestly the only thing I don't like about the beast that is my vehicle.  I got this wee speaker to put in my dash and it's awesome.  It has decent bass and volume, good range, lasts forever on one charge, and is a little bigger than my hand.  

CARL Pencil Sharpener

Yeah, $23 seems insane for a pencil sharpener until you have three kids doing homework and they have the hand strength of Thor and break pencils every single time they sit down to write.  Fast, sharp.  Done.

Breville Barista Express

If you need me to explain this, you don't know me at all.  If you're looking for any big ticket purchases, check out Amazon warehouse deals.  I ended up paying about a third of the price since there is a dent in it (that I've yet to find).  COFFEE ALL THE TIME ALL THE TIME ALL THE TIME.

ALL THE TIME!

Politics in Dancing

If you hang around a studio long enough, you'll hear a ballroomer throw out, "Well, it was politics," to dismiss someone's good placement... or lack thereof.  

And while dance politics are a thing(local and global dance organizations are generally at war, all the time), there are only a few instances it influences YOUR placement.

Here's a list of when politics has something to do with your results at a competition:

1. All of the judges on the panel know you by name.  That's it.  Think about how often and where that happens.  But really: THINK ABOUT IT. It's only those really big competitions (the ones that are televised or at least streamed) that have been preceded by other pretty big competitions that simply everyone goes to.  And by "everyone", I mean the same group of people for about a calendar year that are in the semi and final with slight variations in placement.  Then, and only then, do some judges try to push an agenda, influence a specific characteristic they'd like to see in a particular style, favor a couple from their school, or blacklist someone.

Short list, eh?  RIGHT.

Here's a list of when politics have nothing to do with your results at a competition:

1. You're an amateur or pro-am couple dancing syllabus.  There's a pretty cut-and-dry list of attributes for syllabus-level ballroom dancing (it is illustrated ever so clearly here... and here... and here... and here... and here... and even here).  You're either doing some/most/all of it, or you're not.  Samesies with the other people in your heat.  Judges compare who's doing the most to the least and then BAM, you get a winner.  
2. You don't know all the judges on the panel. There's always a few, or more than a few, and possibly even many, judges' names that make you say, "Who?"  Sometimes you don't know the judges because they are so good that they only judge a few comps a year in your area or they're so off-the-grid that they don't really care who you are/where you're from/who your coach is and they just want to see some good dancing before they head back home to the Virgin Islands and so they mark accordingly.
3. All of the judges on the panel don't know you by name.  This is the biggest one, my friends, as detailed above.  Unless you're ballroom famous (or INFAMOUS), judges have no reason to mark you anything but honestly. Many competitors seem to think judges have a vendetta against certain styles, studios, areas, teachers, or COUPLES.  But really, they just want the best dancer to win... and they don't remember you.  Since people change levels, styles, teachers, and hair color, it's pretty difficult to keep track.  If one judge is marking you lower than average, it's either in their evil nature OR you aren't demonstrating a characteristic that the judge finds very important, not that they're holding a grudge from that one comp you did last year when you were really bad at doing ball-flat footwork in Rumba.  But, even there is someone who has it in for you, that's why there's a PANEL (usually 5 or more people).  So if that evil judge has got you down, there's at least four other really sweet judges to get you into that next round.    

Things that might help those judges mark you honestly:

• show them your number
• know the reasons why you might not win
• play the game

Next up?  Things you can control at a competition. 

 

 

House Rules

Other people have those nice signs that state house rules like "Kindness comes first" or "Love each other" or even sensible things like "No hitting", but I do not live in that house.

1. No singing sea shanties at the table. Of course, this has been expanded to include all singing (yes, even if it's from a musical or it's a song you learned in school), humming, drumming, tamborine/kazoo/ukulele/bodhrán playing, and musical interludes of any sort, but it all started with sea shanties.  
   

   these guys are troublemakers
2. If you're going to chase each other around the house, at least go line of dance. Since we often end the evenings leading up to ballroom dance competitions with rounds of Waltz, Tango, Foxtrot, Viennese Waltz, and/or Quickstep on the main floor, your shenanigans better go counter-clockwise and involve good floorcraft.  
3. Only one baby can cry at a time. Really, I don't know how I pull this one off, but if I throw out this totally logical rule, the least hurt/sad/traitorous/ridiculous child will stop crying (yes, they always know which one they are). 
4. Greet guests and then offer them something from the menu. This one is fairly new, but we've been working on good hospitality (as opposed to the general scream-greeting, yelling over each other to share the latest news, jungle-gym-ing, blocking the way to the actual house method).  You know, say "Hello" or "Happy New Year" or another timely greeting and then bringing the guest in the house and offering them something to drink or eat.  So, OBVS, this lead to making a legitimate menu board, regular inventory of snacks and treats, and serious cafe standards.  [Note: Zoo is the barista, Georgia is the server, and Violet is the manager/hostess.]  
5. You didn't like chocolate until you tried it, so try the [food thing]. I mean, I thought I didn't like avocados, pomegranates, sushi, Brussels sprouts, Indian or Thai food (!!!!), eggplant, ETC., ETC., ETC. It would stand to reason that my life could have been way better if I had discovered all that stuff years earlier.  Hence, everyone has to try the gross-smelling, weird-looking, totally new food before they say they don't like it.  
6. Drink a glass of water before you [do the strenuous exercise]. V was convinced she didn't downhill ski well the second day she had ever skied in her life because she didn't finish her glass of water.  WELL, THAT WILL SHOW YOU. 
7. No yelling. I mean, this is a pretty ordinary rule, but have you ever heard me? MULTIPLY THAT BY 5, Y'ALL. If I have passed anything on to my offspring (besides being completely adorable), it is NOT HAVING AN INSIDE VOICE. 

What are your house rules?  

Why Men Dance

Awhile back, we found out the COMPLETELY TRUE AND ABSOLUTELY SCIENTIFICALLY DISCOVERED reasons why women dance and it only follows [DANCE JOKE! GET IT?!] that we will find out IN THE SAME, UNCONDITIONALLY JOURNALISTICALLY SOUND WAY about why men dance.*

 

A Bet 9%

There's a small bunch of men that got pushed into a studio because they had to hit a dance floor soon and oh shit I have no moves.  They didn't want to look like (or, more appropriately, feel like) an idiot when they had to do the Funky Chicken with those hot bridesmaids.  Or their work buddy knew how to swing dance and was a hit at the Christmas party and dammit I want to be a hit at the Christmas party.  Or the classic "I bet you can't salsa dance" from their bros after seeing some awesome looking people working it on the plaza to a street band during spring break.  

Romantic Notions 30%

Notice I didn't label this "To get laid" and I really feel like an adult for that, but guess what?  If you're in a relationship and you bring your special friend dancing?  Good things are going to happen, buddy.  Like, she will make you dinner. 

If you're NOT in a relationship, you've mightily upped your odds of meeting a lot of really great people.  And maybe you'll find an enjoyable companion with whom you'd like to spend time off the dance floor.

But it's not a whorehouse, y'all.  Keep your moves gentlemanly.  And non-stalkery.  Or I'll find you.

Because Women are There 30%

The gentler sex might not be so gentle on the dance floor, but the scene as a whole is a lot prettier and better smelling than your average gym or bar.  Dance studios give you the opportunity for a great workout and socializing with great ratios of guys to girls.

Competitive Athletic Endeavor 17%

The growing number of pro-am men in the world seems like a nice testament to the low-impact/high-finery world of competitive ballroom dancing.  You won't ruin your knees.  You get to dress like James Bond.  You have tough competition.  You'll get more flexible, confident, and sexy.  If you're out of your high school/college glory days but still need to go kick some butt, round out your Crossfit competitions with some dancesport championships.  

Edita Sliwinska 14%

Yes, most of these reasons revolve around women.  Yes, there are gay guys who dance.  They like women, too (just not "like like").  The point is that there's plenty of terrific people that draw you into the ballroom world, whether it's the "frustrated exhibitionist" [all-time favorite quote from my dad] Edita Sliwinska or your ultra-sassy 80-year-old neighbor lady who is in better shape than you are.

And ballroom pros are hot.  The end.

 

 

*In other words, I made it up.