Riot and Frolic

Show Me The Number

Otherwise known as:

How to Get Seen on the Dance Floor... the Easy Way

Are your results all over the board?  Do you place well in small heats, but never make it to the next cut in huge heats? 

Are you sure the judges saw your number? And the dancing that goes with it?

But are you really sure?

Let's make sure:

Don't Start Right Next to the Judges

I've seen more than a few couples think they're sooooo smart by starting up in the judges' grillz.  For Rhythm.  And they never rotate.  

Well.  Your face is reaalllllllly pretty, but that doesn't help the judges see your number.

Even if you start your Smooth or Standard directly in front of the panel, your stellar moves will probably be lost on the officials. Because it's too close.  TOO CLOSE.  

like alex clare sang

Most judges aren't so much Watching Your Dancing, as they are Getting a General Impression, especially in those first rounds.  It's hard to see the whole picture when A) they can only see your shoulders, because you're dancing so close, your lower half is blocked by their clipboard B) they can't see other people because your beautiful fat head is blocking the rest of the field.

Make Sure Your Dances Rotate

There's a lot of great dancing that you can do that doesn't rotate.  And sometimes you choose, or someone else chooses for you, to do a lot of that non-rotational loveliness in your competition routines.  And then these poor, over-worked, eye-strained judges try to mark you and can never see your damn number.

Get an extra crossbody lead, natural turn, or just rotating basic in your routine to ensure some back time to the judges.

Move Around

If you are dancing in a multi-dance event, don't sit in the same square foot of the floor, or start in the same spot every time.  Choosing different (but still good) positions on the floor guarantees all the officials will see you and learn to love you.

Stay in the Light

Sometimes there's a dark spot on the floor.  Inevitably, the MC will say something amusing to the competitors about how they should "feel free to use the whole floor".  DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.  You might as well go dance in the supply closet in the hall if you choose to dance in that unlit black hole of unjudgeable floor space.  

The Sweet Spot is on the Opposite Side from the Panel

Want the judges to easily see and be able to easily mark you?  Stand directly across the floor from them, with your number to them.  Then don't do anything stupid!  Easy A!

 

To repeat the oft-told statistic about how judges see each couple for an average of seven seconds during each dance, JUDGES SEE YOU FOR AN AVERAGE OF 7 SECONDS EACH DANCE.  

That's about 2 boxes of American Rumba, 4 patterns in International Quickstep, and a reverse turn and change step in Waltz.  On average. 

Make those wee measures of music count by showing your numerical identification as much as possible.

Please.  

 

The Get Smart Book Club: Lolita

After Anna Karenina, you'd think I'd want to stay away from Russian writers a bit, but NO, I like a challenge and love dismissing controversy, so I (and at least one loyal reader) jumped into Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov.

WHY WHY WHY is this book so highly regarded?  

[insert rant]

The plot line is tragic, which in and of itself is not problematic, but when combined with pedophilia, a narcissistic, bonkers, sociopathic asshole main character, and billions of obscure references, this book left me tossing the finished novel directly into my Goodwill bag (and not set carefully onto my shelf of literary trophies like dear Anna).  It's not controversial; it's just lame.

Ugh.  

Seriously, Humbert Humbert is the worst.  Even worse than Anna, because he seems to think he's a pretty alright guy and loves feeling smarter than everyone around him and while he's pretty awesome at rationalizing being obsessed/in love with/torturing poor Delores, the few glimpses we actually see of her character are pretty bleak.  

Lamenting the myriad of possibly-true references that made me feel ill-read, and The G Googled them as I listed them off.  Turns out all the stupid references [I'd relate some here, but I'm not opening that book again] are actually real references to people, places, and things.  I mean, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but if I don't understand 95% of what he's talking about, who is?  And who puts whole passages of a book in French and then doesn't have the translation for it?

Anyways, it seemed like it was just written because it could be written.  Like Nabokov just wanted to push the envelope of literature versus erotica and since he was slightly clever about it, people clamored over themselves to congratulate him.

Ugh.

Anyone else have the pleasure of reading Lolita? Opinions? Disagreements? Chime in, smarties!

Next up, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

Why I Have "A Lot" of Kids

It's come to my attention through various sources that my reproductive choices are intriguing to many.  While that is weird and invasive, let's discuss it:

Question #1: Will you stop dancing? 

• Yes, I think definitely this fifth time around is the time that's going to make me think twice about dancing, and teaching, and painting rooms in my house, and climbing ladders, and generally living life through 40 weeks of pregnancy and it's about time for me to put my feet up and relax... In other words, no.
• While I'm not the breadwinner, I still make a decent amount of income while teaching ballroom, enjoy my students immensely, and am pretty good at my job, so stopping all that goodness seems ill-advised.  
• With no health restrictions (besides not eating sushi, deli meat, and soft cheeses [which I often ignore #sorrynotsorry]), unless something hurts in a specifically babyish place more than usual, I've found no reason to stop for more than 6 weeks at a time, every time.
• I have an excellent tool for teaching promenade position.
• Yeah, we're never going to be national champions, professionally speaking.  But we still have made consistent progress in our own dancing (and teaching) and I'm pretty sure most coaches and officials don't think we're a terrible example of dancing.  Huzzah!

Question #2: Why?

• Why NOT?  I would love to hear a reasonable argument that I shouldn't.  People seem to stop thinking after asking "why".  But here's some facetious, but totally true reasons nonetheless:
• Indentured servants.  I hate washing dishes and doing laundry.  And while we obviously have more dirty dishes and laundry with more people in our household, I don't HAVE to do it.  It's called chores, people, and they are the stuff character building, responsibility, and resentment are made of.
• I'm totally decent at having an entourage.  I don't think I'm the best parent in the world, but The G and I are adequate at raising somewhat respectful, contributing members of society, so far.  
• I have a very competitive nature.  Do I know successful couples with 3 kids?  Yes, lots.  Do I know successful couples with 4 kids?  Um, yes, like 1.  Do I know successful couples with 5 kids?  NOT PERSONALLY, so it is on.  I'm winning. 
• More hasn't made a difference.  I mean, once you have a kid, you "have kids".  Having more or less hasn't made a huge difference in how we live our lives.  While finding a capable babysitter is a little more daunting, we still travel, work, go out to eat, have dates, and watch Netflix with the best of them.  We've even done some more creative things like be entrepreneurs, pro ballroom dancers, and home remodelers.

That's really the extent of the questions I've heard, but since I opened the can of worms, you are more than free to ask any others that might be applicable.