Riot and Frolic

Why You're Bad At Dancing

Subtitle: While You Might Be A Good Dancer,  Everyone Rolls Their Eyes At You.

1. You lack humility - Be grateful to all the teachers and champions and coaches and wise ones that came before you and LISTEN TO THEM.  Be surprised when you win, be thankful to anyone who helps you along a path to greatness, and be gracious to newcomers.  
2. You think the rules do not apply to you - There are levels in place: Bronze, Silver, Gold, Open.  These levels were put in place by people who studied dance for a living and wanted to make a logical progression of fundamental movements that build on one another to make advancing to the next level relatively simple. Do not throw yourself around in Open routines and make others watch your clear lack of education in rise and fall, swing and sway, dance frame, or even standing the eff up because it's "more fun" than Bronze.   
3. You don't work - A) Dancing is fun, learning to dance is not always fun.  B) Dancing is not an inate ability.  It is a learned skill.  C) Your talent will get you to a certain point, but your work ethic will take you infinitely farther.  D) You must practice many things many times.  
   

   robin thicke said it best
4. You're not having fun - It's SO clear when most people are not having a good time dancing, whether it's competitively or socially.  If you're not having fun, please figure out what would make you have fun: a different style, a different partner, a different song, a different pair of shoes, etc.  Then stop doing the thing that makes it not fun.  I repeat, DANCING IS FUN.  Make it so. 
5. You inflate your resume - Are you really a champion?  Like, you won a National or World Championship?  Or, you won your freestyle events as a Pro-Am dancer against another girl in Bronze?  Hmmm...
6. You "just" dance - "Just" is a terrible word. It means "exactly" but "easily" is implied. Ladies often say "I just follow" as a  qualification for dancing. OH GOD, please tell me you also know the basic timing and can move your can without a pretty wrestling match taking place. Guys often start a dance saying "just follow" and then proceed to GIVE NO LEAD WHATSOEVER or mixed signals, at best.  Please know what you're doing before foisting it upon an unknowing accomplice.
7. You don't take lessons - group classes don't count.   What if you sat down at the piano to do a duet with someone, but had no prior knowledge of those black and whites in front of you?  If you're in Minnesota (Minnesota Nice, donchaknow), your partner might talk you through a torturous version of "Heart and Soul", but most other people would laugh you off the bench.  If you do not any educational experience, but are acting as if you do, see #1 and #3.
8. You dance half-ass on lessons - The purpose of lessons is to make YOU a better dancer, not to make your shy, unconfident, anxiety-ridden self a better dancer.  The worst thing you can do is look stupid.  But you look stupid, trying not to look stupid, so... Go balls-out.  Get better faster.  
9. You list "years experience" as a credential - Those X number of years of experience might have been filled with hiatuses, bad social dancing, bad teachers, children, divorces, world travels, and/or dancing.  I would be more impressed with "X number of hours in devoted practice time". Or even "$$ spent on dance lessons".  I will only be impressed by "years experience" if you say you've been dancing for 50 years and it looks like that would mean you started at -6.
10. You haven't taken a lesson in over two years - There's a time and place for the kind of focused learning private lessons will grant you: you're competing, you're trying to build your repertiore/your frame/your ability, you're having fun learning and ballrooming is your hobby.  If you're out of the private lesson scene, you should check in and have a "tune up" every year or so.  Learn a new amalgamation, fix your shoulder in dance frame, what have you.  But if you are in a teaching position, you better have some current information on hand, in the form of a training workshop or coaching lesson (for you, not with your students).  
    

    prince knows your cha-cha is dated
11. You think you learn by watching - Yes, DWTS fanatics and YouTubers, this means you.  It is one thing to be inspired by videos of amazing dancers, it's another thing to think you can do what they're doing.  And if you try to do what they're doing, you'll do it badly, because #1, #2, #3, #4, #5.

What's your dance pet peeve?  

That Word Does Not Mean What I Think You Think It Means

"Healthy."

I've been scanning Pinterest and the Googles for new recipes lately and it seems I have a very different definition of what "healthy" means when it comes to food.  As I am a born-and-raised Minnesotan (with an inate love of hot dishes, Midwestern meat-and-potatoes sensibility, butter, and bread), I am surprised that I am the skeptical one, as I read recipe descriptions.  Nevertheless, here are some guidelines I thought were obvious:

• Just because a food is "baked, not fried" does not mean it is healthy.  Example: baked mozzerella sticks, baked potato chips.
• If a recipe has a vegetable clearly stated in the title, it is not necessarily healthy.  Example: zucchini bread, carrot cake.
• If there are equal parts vegetable and sugar, a food is healthy.  Example: see above.
• When cheese, mayonnaise, and/or pasta are the majority of the main ingredients, the food cannot be classified as healthy.  Example: most Italian-American food, Minnesotan casseroles.
• When there is no identifiable vegetable in a recipe, it may not be labeled healthy. Example: meatloaf.
• If a vegetable is identifiable, but is smothered, fried, or mostly obscured by cheese, it is no longer healthy.  Example: stuffed mushrooms caps.
• When the label touts low sugar/sugar-free or low fat/fat-free, "light", or "diet", it is probably not healthy. Example: Diet Coke.
• If cereal AND marshmallows or corn syrup are involved, it is not healthy. Example: rice krispie bars.

Someone tell me I'm wrong on the cereal/corn syrup one, so I can write off all my breakfasts in my 20s as wins.  

Making ALL THE THINGS

If you haven't read Hyperbole and a Half, you're missing out on ALL THE FUNNY THINGS people are referring to while writing in all caps.

The Minnesotans, or precisely The Twin Citians, of the world were snowed/iced/wintered-in last weekend in a storm that made most of the land look like Hoth, and everyone was in need of a tauntaun.

driving conditions were… not favorable

You're welcome for the Star Wars references, you nerds.

I posted on Facebook the list of products I created during the lock-in and many of you asked for recipes.  Here's the line-up, the links to my sources, and a light review:

• banana buckwheat granola - I like buckwheat groats; they're crunchy while not being too earthy.  I dig how this recipe made nicely-sized chunks and little cereal-type bits of goodness.  The girls dig it and they do not always like my granola trials.
• Nutella cookies - damn.  Damn. Damn. Damn.  If you have a Costco-size jar, of course you are going to make a double batch.  In an atypical fashion, you will foresee utter demolition of the first batch and will freeze the second batch for when you need to eat your feelings.  BRILLIANT.
• zucchini oatmeal muffins - this recipe was based on the very favorably rated "Mom's Zucchini Bread" recipe on allrecipes.com (as linked to), but I subbed most of the sugar with agave nectar, and the oil with yogurt, and half of the flour with oatmeal, and then they became more like an interesting variation on Bopenmeal. Still good, just less sugary and probably-kill-you-in-the-long-runny.
• meatloaf - meatloaf is like chili: I throw a bunch of things together and hope it doesn't taste bad. It usually works.  
• creamy carrot curry soup - I haven't actually eaten this yet, but since the recommendation came from the waitstaff of my favorite restaurant, I'm sure it will be delish.
• rosemary bread - to be fair, I didn't make this.  V literally made the whole thing herself.  It was impressive and awesome and from now on, she will doing ALL THE COOKING AROUND THIS PLACE.

Got any new recipes you'd like to share?  I'm dying for some delicious crock pot recipes that won't kill me.

List of Last Week's Labors of Love

- I still totally agree with myself about the running in winter thing because running and swearing is FUN.

- did you know that is possible to take your foot off the gas pedal AND not put your foot immediately on the brake pedal?  It's true.  

- if I have a day off, I will make ALL THE FOOD: banana buckwheat granola, Nutella cookies, zucchini oatmeal muffins, meatloaf, creamy carrot curry soup, rosemary bread, fish 'n' chips, and roasted tomatoes.

- there are a lot of CSAs (Community Supported Agriculture; aka, farm shares; aka, not having to go to the store to get produce and other farm-raised goodies) out there and I am researching ALL OF THEM.

- "aka" is one of those words that doesn't seem like a word after using it a lot, even if it is only an abbreviation.

- upon hearing that Oprah Winfrey wants the highly-anticipated screen version of the "50 Shades" book to be filthier and contain less talk and more action, I suggest she watch a porno and call it a day. And maybe stop recommending books.   Because, yikes.

- Penelope is on Netflix.  Watch it.  

- I feel like an actor on a talk show, giving you a glimpse at my coming attractions.  

Meh.  How was your weekend?

Why Running in Winter is Better

Besides looking like a total badass plowing through snowstorms (or "a crazy white lady", as my friendly neighbors call me), there are TONS of reasons running in winter is way better than running in summer:

1. don't have to look nice - no one can tell who you are under those 7 layers of clothes, so there's no pressure to look like a supermodel [reference: Summit Avenue in summer].
2. you HAVE to go shopping - because you need those extra 7 layers.  And they have to be GOOD 7 layers if you're running in the Polar Vortex, so you might as well go here or here.
3. there's no stopping - it's so damn cold and you can already not feel your butt, so you have to KEEP RUNNING. 
4. you'll go faster - similar to the reasons above, the faster you run, the quicker you get done, and into a nice, steaming, hot shower.
5. it's so dry that you're basically training in the desert - the low humidity of the frozen months makes for springtime to feel like a veritable flood of oxygen on your poor, dried-up respiratory tract.
6. you might as well double your distance - not finding purchase on slippery pavement means your strides are cut short.  All that slipping and sliding and perceived effort for a 3 mile run? I say, 6 MILES.
7. automatic cross training - all the snow and ice adds up to an abductor, adductor, ankle flexion, balance, and coordination exercise.
8. easier to correct your form - with the long shadows, you can quickly check your form.
9. steaming is neat - when you rip off your hat at the end of your run and see the steam rising from your head, you can't help but think you are awesome.

Running + winter > running + spring/summer/fall

Two years ago: LLLL, in which I pretend I'm on Facebook.