Riot and Frolic

Crossing the Street

I live near a popular, pedestrian-friendly main street destination filled with shops and restaurants.  Some weekends, while driving in my car and ferociously singing at the top of my lungs along with Boyz II Men or Paramore, I accidentally turn onto this mile long stretch of hell called Grand Avenue.  I'm forced to play an on-going game of hide-and-seek, tag, and duck-duck-GREY DUCK with lollygaggers, shoppers, runners, coffee drinkers, and a bunch of chickens looking to get to the other side.

You see, crossing the street as a pedestrian is an art.  And most people are not artists.  

First, you have to wait for an opening.  You're looking for a few seconds of car-free road in at least one direction.  You're waiting for a pause in the action.

Secondly, you must be bold.  You must step confidently into the street.

Thirdly, you must face down any oncoming cars with direct eye contact, almost daring them to hit you.

Lastly, you must progress across the road in a manner that is neither too fast (silly run-walk, you know I'm talking about you) nor too slow (get 'er done).  

It takes a lot of practice and confidence, just like BOWING WHEN YOU'RE DONE PERFORMING A DANCE.

If you didn't draw the obvious parallels to dancesport, let me save you from the horrendous video footage you will acquire if you don't take these tips on how to end your dances in a graceful and efficient way:

1. Listen for the music to fade out.  Hear it?  Finish what you're doing while slowing down the action.  
2. Be confident in your next movements.  Don't rush anything.  
3. Figure out where you're going to bow (please let it be towards the audience and not to the center of the floor).  Make eye contact with your partner.  Lead, or be lead, in an underarm turn so you are standing side by side.  
4. Bow or curtsy.  At the bottom of your action, say the words "purple hippopatomus" AND THEN stand up (any faster and you will look spastic).
5. Exit stage left.  Or right.  Get off the damn floor.

And then remember how cute this was (she does a pretty good bow):

 

Two years ago: Crazy Bread, Part Deux, in which I am disappointed in bread.

Booby Traps

 

Things I Will Miss About My House Upon Completion of Renovation

1. Dirt chutes.  Several years ago, we visited the James J. Hill mansion when my in-laws were in town (educational field trip points!).  The thing that I was most impressed by was not the ornate woodwork, the beautiful period lamps, the amazing art gallery, but the DIRT CHUTES.  You could sweep the floors and push the debris into a slot on the wall and it would fall into a garbage can in the basement.  WHAT.  Low and behold, between removing baseboards and fixing sloping floors, we have several accidental dirt chutes.  Yes, at some point, I'll have to vacuum up all the crap I'm sweeping into the basement, but for now, I might as well be Mary Theresa Mehagan.  
2. Secret entrance #1.  When we first moved in, we had a door that didn't exactly... what would you call it... oh yeah... LOCK.  It was kind of a pain in the ass to open, but with very little gusto, you could throw a shoulder into it and get in the house.  LOVELY if you forgot your keys, FRIGHTENING if you were home alone and didn't have your baseball bat handy.  
3. Secret entrance #2.  Our front door was inoperable for awhile, so if anyone knocked on my front door, I knew it was someone I didn't want to talk to.  
4. The gauntlet.  When our front door wasn't working, everyone would have a BRAVE THE GAUNTLET to get to our back door: uneven risers and treads on stairs; sloping sidewalk complete with ice patches on the side of the house; steep, un-handrailed, loosely attached staircase with no landing to the back door.  You knocked on our door?  You gained the right to enter our house.
5. Electrical scavenger hunt.  There was a hideous front closet that hid an electrical conduit in our foyer.  The G and his brother (hi) took out the closet, but the electrical conduit was bothering them.  Out came the electrical conduit... and half of the working outlets in the house.  And since the house is over 100 years old and has been updated in interesing ways, the wiring is a bit of mystery to everyone who's ever looked at it.  I can't assume that all the outlets in the living room work or that everything on the north wall works or if I plug a hair dryer in the 2nd floor bathroom it won't make the washing machine in the basement blow a fuse.  It is a fun puzzle that refuses to be solved!
6. Weather forecasting.  Some people check their phone, or listen to the radio, or even go the extra mile and step outdoors to see what the weather is like.  But by just heading downstairs in the morning, I can tell how cold and windy it is, with my ancient and drafty window casings,  missing leaded window panes, and flapping house wrap.  So convenient!  

Have you ever renovated?  What was your favorite/least favorite part?  The temporary kitchens?  The showering at the gym?  The dust everywhere?  What was the most worthwhile upgrade you made?

Two years ago: LLLL, in which I go to Anthropologie.

Let The Blonde Jokes Commence

What many of you have been saying for years is official: I'm blonde.

For reference, I started 2013 like this:

In April, I made the MASSIVE decision to get bangs.    

Then in June, I chopped off my 12" ponytail.  If you've read my complaints about long hair (read about it here, here, and here), you'll know this was a relief, even if I look skeptical in the picture.

Since my hair was short (AKA, easier to grow out if it got totally damaged) and I had always wanted to try it, I made a 3.5 hour appointment at a highly rated salon in town to turn my tresses PLATINUM.  Yes, 3.5 hours.  All of them.  But after all of those minutes in the chair, there was no doubt I had blonde hair.

I don't have many picture of those first few weeks because it scared me.  It was like looking at the negative of a photo, except it was MY FACE.  IN THE MIRROR.  

Very disorienting.  

I couldn't figure out if I was having more fun because I was too worried about not letting anything touch my hair.   I had read extensive amounts of blog posts about bleached hair being brittle and sponge-like, breaking off and soaking up colors from sweatshirt hoods and HORROR STORIES LIKE THAT.  DON'T TOUCH ME!

 

On the plus side, I got asked if I was a model more than once.  That was weird, but flattering.  Note: short blond hair = model, regardless of grocery shopping for chips and ice cream and beer.

People didn't recognize me.  People, like my mom.  So, as ridiculous as it seems in all those movies, dying your hair makes you incognito.  

A month went by, and even with my roots growing out, I started liking it.  And after I got my second "bleach and tone" (now I know what to ask for!) and a bad-ass European mullet (I mean that lovingly) haircut, I LOVED it.  

Now I look like this:

Yes, that's a whiskey glass on my shoulder.

Want my blond tips?  Here:

• PURPLE SHAMPOO.  I guess there's purple conditioner, too, but GET SOME.  (Clairol's Shimmer Lights is highly recommended and Sally's carries it.) My hair started out WHITE after the first bleaching, but I used my regular ol' shampoo.  My hairs got more and more yellow, and less awesome, until I did some more interwebbing and found the ye olde purple shampoo trick.  It just tones your blondeyness and makes you not look stupid, trust me.
• Call around for pricing.  The first place I went to was great, but the second place was even better AND CHEAPER (Phresh Salon Spa on Grand Avenue, I go to Annie).  Plus, at Phresh, they offered a bunch of different tones of toner to choose from, from pearl white to seashell.  Yes, it was like picking the perfect white paint for your living room.
• Don't wash it.  I started doing this when I cut all my hair off, much to The G's dismay, but since blonde hair can get pretty dry, use what God gave you and skip the suds most days. 
• Have someone do it.  Like a professional.  Most of the terrible stories I've heard are from DIYers.  It's expensive, sure, but my hair doesn't feel like straw and doesn't smoke when she's bleaching it.  And this is coming from someone who has 20 YEARS experience dying her own hair. 
• Spell "blonde" with an "e" at the end, it's more often grammatically correct.

Yeah, that's all I got.  It turns out it's not as much maintenance as I thought.  I mean, I have to go to the salon more often, but on the daily, it's pretty carefree.

Have you ever done something crazy with your hair?  Mohawk?  Purple?  From blonde to black?

List of Last Week's Labors of Love - Internet Mumbo Jumbo Edition

- look to the right, now back at me.  Via my Instagram feed, you'll see that I have my children doing my dirty work for me now.  In princess dresses, nonetheless.  

- in related news, Amalah started following me on the Insta and I am HONORED and FREAKED OUT. She is LITERALLY the funniest blog I have ever read (and yes, I read the Blogess).  

- you know what's fun?  TEACHING BALLROOM DANCE.  I get to work with the kids at the University of Minnesota Ballroom Dance Club and A) they laugh at all my lame jokes B) they laugh when I trail off after making dirty jokes inadvertently BECAUSE THAT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME C) they do what I tell them D) they're pretty talented.  

- I'm going to start a Tumblr account to post all the terrible things I accidentally say while teaching dance.  All dance teachers would be invited to guest post.  Here's the first one [talking about basic dance frame]: 

Ladies! You can't just lay on top and expect the men to do all the work.

- Christmas planning.  Above and beyond the WIPs I believe I will finish, I have Advent calendars and craft projects and decorations just awaiting.  We're traveling a bit around Thanksgiving and I don't want to put up the decorations before Thanksgiving, because that's crazy (I'm looking at you, Target), but I DO because when we get home? Boom!  CHRISTMAS!

- Christmas is much more fun with kids and I really liked  Christmas beforehand.  It's so easy to shop for them, and make them things, and every tradition is so new and shiny and "WE GET TO DECORATE THE CHRISTMAS TREE?!"  Yeah, little dudes, every. year.

- Did you hear that bit going around Facebook about how there's only supposed to be one space in between sentences?  Apparently every style guide in the world has agreed upon this for quite some time, but those of us who learned to type on TYPEWRITERS (what with the monospaced type) are probably doomed to annoy hipsters and graphic artists until our generation dies off.  So.  There.  

- hormones.  Which are obviously funnier and easier to handle if you call them "hormobes", or MOBES for short.  Can we just talk about how much less crazy it must be to be a man, without this whole cycle thing the ladyfolk deal with?  OY.

- confrontation.  I am NOT a big fan of confrontation, let alone "talking" or "not being sarcastic", but for some reason, this week I was taking EVERYONE ON.   [See above... Or my inner rage... I don't know.]

What have you been up to?  What's your holiday routine?  

Two years ago: The Pinterest Project - It's Not Gross, in which I'm disappointed by healthy food being tasty. 

Studios vs. Independents

If you going to take private lessons for ballroom dancing, there are two main choices you have to make: studio or independent instructor.   

I took my first lesson at a studio, I taught my first lesson at a studio, I left that place, took many lessons from an independent, danced pro-am with that independent, danced am-am while taking lessons from a studio, taught at that same studio, left that place, currently dance pro, and am an independent.  I get around.  

*cough*

Here's the lowdown:

Yay For Studios!

• Community.  With multiple employees, and the students that come with them, you are guaranteed a community of like-minded individuals.  Granted, your only shared interest might be dancing, but dancing is fun and awesome and you need at least one other person to do it with, so the bigger the pool, the better.  
• Welcoming Committee.  Besides your teacher, when you walk in the door, there's probably a smiling face to say hello.  There might be a receptionist, or manager, or some sort of support staff whose job it is to help you.  Whether it's taking a payment, scheduling a lesson, helping you sign up for a competition, or whatever, you don't have to do that during your lesson time.  And that means more dancing.  
• Extras.  With a higher volume of staff and students, group lessons, free practice space, and parties happen all the time.  Often, they're included in lesson packages and are a great way to meet potential friends and duh, practice dancing.  
• Support.  The instructors?  It's their job to be motivating and inspiring.  While your teacher might be the greatest, having 2-8 other people with a compulsory (don't read "fake", just "required") CAN DO attitude is AMAZING.  And with all these friends you're making, you're building an enthusiastic (and sometimes competitive) group to encourage your progress.  
• Training New Teachers.  This might not be a plus for most students, but almost every instructor alive started at a studio.  Many studios offer great training programs for wannabe teachers.  I think it's fun to watch the newbies grow into accomplished dancers and teachers.  You can always say, "I knew 'em when..."

Boo For Studios

• Cost.  Employees, leases, taxes, benefits, staff certification: all these things cost money.  There are very obvious costs associated with owning a studio and those costs need to be covered.  The more overhead, the more someone has to charge.  
• Insulated.  The aim of studios to keep money in-house.  They're not going to tell you about the awesome $2 swing dance down the street or the huge competition that's nearby because they want your money.  They want you to go to their  swing dance and do their competition.  And you know what?  The dance world is HUGE and full of talented people.  Even outside your studio.
• Kool-Aid.  I have never met a student who said, "My studio sucks."  Everyone thinks their teacher is the best teacher in the world and their studio is the coolest ever and everyone else sucks.  You're drinking the Kool-Aid, man.  (See above.)
• Turnover.  Your teacher is probably going to leave.  Whether it's because they're going to continue grad school, is opening their own franchise, had a job offer from another studio, doesn't have any room for advancement, or
  found a pro partner a couple states away, it is going to happen.  
• Atmosphere.  Every studio has a vibe.  If you don't like that vibe, you're not going to change it.  It's a big machine that revved up before you got there and will die after you leave.  

Yay For Independents

• Quality Instruction.  MOST independent instructors are highly-qualified, certified, accomplished dancers and teachers.  Often they are champions, judges, or coaches, and are well-known in the ballroom industry.  
• Focused.  You walk in the studio, get your shoes on, and dance.  You are dancing with this person because you know that they are very good at American Rhythm, Argentine Tango, or Lindy.  You saw them teach a workshop or heard of their stellar reputation and went to them to learn that specific skill.  
• Cost.  Since independents don't have all the overhead that studios do, they are more likely less expensive per lesson.
• Personal.   Back in the days of "land lines", my teacher's S.O. knew my voice when I called.  I still think that is cool.  You probably are friends with them on Facebook.  You might text them to let them know you're running late to your lesson.  It adds a nice dimension to the drill sergeant who controls your lesson time.
• Flexibility.  Independents often teach at more than one location and have flexible schedules.  Want a 6am lesson?  I know people who do that.  (It's not me.)
• Dance World.  You might know and feel comfortable at a lot of different venues and events, since you're recognized as a student of your instructor.  Independent students seem to have a cult-celebrity status at many shindigs.

Boo For Independents

• Self-Motivated.  You have to schedule your lessons, you have to find group classes, you have to seek out dances, you have to put yourself out there to find friends who dance.  Your instructor can help you, but you have to actually do it.
• No Frills.  Group classes and parties are not offered or attended by most independents.  Having "paid their dues" for years before, they leave it to the newer (and often younger, family-free) teachers to take their place.
• Introverts Accepted.  Since there's no weekly group events, taking lessons from independents is often social-free.  You might run into another student on your way out of your lesson, but they're going into their lesson, so there's not much time to talk.  
• Homeless.  Want to hang out and chat with other students?  Only if you're at a bustling studio open to many independents where there's space to chill and not get run over.  Want to spend a couple hours practicing?  You'll have to pay for studio time, just like everyone else.

In summation?  Studios and independents are both great, but you should know what you want and what each one offers.  

Don't like what you're getting at your studio?  Try another studio.  

Don't like your instructor anymore?  Try another instructor.  

Flow chart coming soon.  :)

One year ago: Smooky 2, in which I reveal the costumes.

Two years ago: Crazy Bread, in which I share the stupid recipe.