Riot and Frolic

How to Look Like a Pro

It's autumn and in Minnesota, that means amateur dancesport season is upon us.  Whether you matriculate at the University of Minnesota or are prepping for Star of the North, the thing that is "Mixed Proficiency" is coming for YOU.

Mixed Proficiency is a bit like social dancing with rules.  Or pro-am, but without the pro.  Simply, a more experienced dancer (MED) will dance with a less experienced dancer (LED).  Each of these couples can enter Mixed Proficiency events at the level of the least experienced dancer.  [Professional opinion: please don't "dance up" to the level of the MED.  Since neither of you are professionals, the results are often... undesirable.]

I've had more than several of the MEDs ask me how to make their LED look good.  I've seen some pro-am students who left some people guessing who the pro was.  And there's some pros that need a reminder.  Here's a couple trade secrets I'll let you in on:

How to Look Like a Pro

1. dance on time.  It might go without saying, BUT IT DOESN'T.  Ladies, if you're the MED and your man isn't dancing on time, MAKE HIM: stop and count it off or back lead like hell, but dancing on time is A #1.  No exceptions.  Men, you just have to.  NO EXCEPTIONS.
2. be calm.  This isn't reeeeeally your show.  (Mixed Proficiency is usually judged on the LED, not the MED, and not even the partnership.)  Since your partner is newer to this than you are, help them out the best you can.  Explain what's going on, point out who's who,  tell them where to go, ask your partner how they're doing, get them some water/space/practice time/paper bag to breathe into.  Be their guide.  
3. smile.  Just smile, dammit.  No matter what the heck is happening underneath your face, put on a nice face.
4. stand up.  Do the best/most proper posture you can, even if your partner is not able to reciprocate.  Your partner will dance better because of it.
5. do as much proper technique as you can.  Once again, not your show.  Dancing Bronze Foxtrot?  Heel leads and toe releases.  How about Newcomer Rumba?  A bit of Latin motion.  Trying that new figure 8 movement in Cha Cha you learned 3 days ago?  No.  
6. make it look good. This one's a little tricky because maybe you don't know how, but fake something.  If your partner gets on the wrong foot, cheat your own steps so you match again.  If you have no idea what's going on, stopping all together and rebooting is ALWAYS A GOOD OPTION.  Refer to #3 & #4 if there's still a question.
7. be the cheerleader.  When you walk off the floor, congratulate them on a good well done, even if it wasn't their best one.  Performing makes people crazy and affects your brain and your body in all sorts of ways.  Really, the first few times anyone even makes it on the dance floor is a miracle.
8. look the part.    Wear black, read this and this and then follow them, do your hair, do your makeup, wear dance shoes.  Don't forget to take off your sweatshirt or legwarmers before getting on the floor.

Now be good and go practice some more.  

One year ago: What I'm Doing Right Now, in which I regress.

Klangfarbenmelodie

German is the best language.

 

In a veeeeerrrryyyy logical sequence of events, I looked up "pointillism" on Wikipedia to check my very rusty art history knowledge (Seurat! nailed it!), and after skimming the entry got to heading labeled Music.

Pointilistic music?  Tell me more.

Different musical notes are made in seclusion, rather than in a linear sequence, giving a sound texture similar to pointillism.

Probably like jazz.

What came after was even MORE intriguing though.

This type of music is also known as punctualism or klangfarbenmelodie.

KLANGFARBENMELODIE?!

German for sound-color-melody.

Oh my God, yes.  "Spatchcock" has been bested.

CUE SEGWAY! [or "segue" for those who are smrt]

Which OBVIOUSLY leads to this:

pointillism for babies

• perler beads
• pegboards
• ONE HOUR OF YOUR TIME

The fun begins.

It has been 7 wonderful minutes of relative stillness.

Designs are coming together.

Mae Cake has a surprisingly modern and graphic aesthetic.

Don't say anything, but it's been over a half an hour.

Zoo left 2 minutes after the last picture was taken, but 32 MINUTES FOR A TWO YEAR OLD.

V is "helping" Zoo, even though Zoo is now "vacuuming" and "singing".

Clockwise from upper left: Mae Cake's 2nd attempt (her first one with the lines got knocked over); V's heart; Zoo/V's star was immediately put to work as play food by Zoo, so who knows where it is now; my square, inspired by my blog header.  

Next up, recreate Seurat!

Happy Thursday!

One year ago: On Not Owning a Television, #@@&#!@, in which I don't know about Magic Mike.

House Rules

When I'm muttering under my breath, scrubbing dishes, children, or email inboxes, here's my list of mostly-implicit, always-OCD, often self-applicable house rules:

1. No dishes in the sink - I don't understand the logic behind putting dishes in the sink.  You just have to take them out of the sink to wash the dishes in the proper order...
2. Silverware gets washed first.  Then cups.  Then things that stack easily, then all the stupid pots and pans.  I mean, hot, soapy water and things that are in your mouth for the longest go hand in hand.*
3. "cleaning up" after any meal requires sweeping.  It just does. Unless you want  to walk on crushed cereal all day.  Dishes to the kitchen, table wiped off, and floor swept.  The "eat over the table" command only means that my children [husband] will have their food hovering above the eating surface 75% of the time .  And that doesn't even include the large gesticulations accompanying their meal-time stories which spray bread crumbs across the room or pudgy bellies that catch spaghetti noodles which then get tracked from the dining room to the kitchen.  
4. put your clothes right side out when you put your clothes in the laundry.  I LITERALLY turn every. item. of. clothing right side out when I'm folding laundry.  These heathens pull their shirts off over their heads like the Diet Coke guy and call it quits.   
5. put your damn clothes away.  I see CLEAN, FOLDED LAUNDRY that sits on the radiator for a week.  Granted, it's toasty warm if you decide to pull something out of the pile, but our house looks like badly designed clothing store.
6. make yourself comfortable.  Shoes on or shoes off, it doesn't matter.  If you need something, go find it.  I usually forget to offer beverages or snacks to guests because subconsciously I know that if I offer you something, there will be 3 little vultures circling us, and then we'd be compelled to share.

What are your domestic pet peeves?  Are you a "shoes on" or "shoes off" house?  What's your dishes situation?  I've heard about debates on dishwasher systems.  

One year ago: LLLL, in which I snorted at my own writing.

* - That sounded so dirty, right?

The Garden of Good (and Barely Any Evil) : 2013 Part 3

Spring:

Summer:

Fall:

I don't know, man.  

I love the tomatoes.  

And the sugar snap peas.  

And the flowers.  

But not the flowers on vines.  

Or anything on vines, including the tomatoes and peas.  

And why can't I grow herbs?  

Or lettuce?  

And why, when I think Lola is pretty sick, I put her in the backyard [read: out to pasture], and she's totally happy and healthy in 2 weeks?

so much growth

I'll tell you why.  

Because I don't know what the hell I'm doing.  

And it's kind of fun as long as I'm getting 12+ cans of tomatoes out of the deal, my kids are voluntarily eating vegatables ("beets?  I love beets!  I planted beets!"), and I get to take out some aggression by pulling up out-of-control climbing plants.  

Win win win.

List of Last Week's Labors of Love

- woken up every morning by singing voices.  While this might sound angelic, I wonder about the musical choices:

 What does the fox say?

 The "dying" song.

 The Bears fight song.

 Disney, loudly and with accents.

- dinner at Ginger Hop in northeast Minneapolis.  While it was delicious, I can get the same thing three blocks away for a quarter of the price.  Banh Mi loses it's exotic appeal when you can get an amazing version at every other store in your own neighborhood.  I wonder if Italians feel the same way about pizza.

thank you , new york times, for this illustration

- let's talk about how much I love teaching ballroom dancing and the people I get to work with for a second: I love it.

- hosting a fun social dance/challenge in December.  We're going to test out the Elements of Dance.  It should be a good time.  You should come.  Seriously.  It's $2 and nothing but fun.  

- the new iOS.  Gosh, it's purty.  ISN'T IT PURTY?!

- unearthed the box of old journals.  You guys.  It's so horrible.  First of all, the general life outlook changes drastically from year to year.  Second of all, I was a horrible creature to my parents in high school (and beyond).  Obviously, karma will be a bitch.  Thirdly, I loved or hated everyone.  Mostly, I chose wonderful people to adore, but there were definitely some turds in there... or people who likewise horrible while they figured everything out.  

How was your week?  Enjoying the autumn weather?  I WANT TO MARRY THIS WEATHER.

sorry about yesterday